WWE Money in the Bank Preview Rant

Tonight is WWE Money in the Bank live on pay-per-view! The Money in the Bank match is one of my favorites so this PPV is a must-see for me. Add in the return of one of my all-time favorites in Rob Van Dam and we have a show I am completely pumped for. However, my thoughts on this show have become a little strange in recent days. With Anderson Silva finally losing his UFC Middleweight Championship last weekend people have started talking about how crazy it is that he was champion for so many years since so much in their lives has changed between when he won and lost the belt.

In looking at this show’s main event between WWE Champion John Cena and Mark Henry, I realized I was in middle school when Cena won his first WWE title. I just got my bachelor’s degree and this dude is champion and has never missed years like Shawn Michaels or The Rock, or rumbled in the mid-card for a while. Cena has been top dog for so long, and it is now hitting me that I’ve seen so much John Cena that I have lost nearly all interest in what he does. But we’ll get to way too much on that later. Let me run through the card and toss out some scattered thoughts.

Pre-Show Match: WWE Tag Team Champions Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns vs. The Usos:
The Shield has reached the point where it is ok if they lose matches since they’ve been built up so strong for months. Because of that, I don’t see them losing the tag titles in a pre-show match. The Usos have proven to be pretty enjoyable, and if pre-show matches were longer than about 6 minutes I would be more excited for this. I don’t understand why the WWE does half-hour pre-shows and spends so much of it showing promo packages and having wrestlers who won’t be on the card talk about what matches they are excited for. Either just do that and don’t have a match, or do less of that and make the matches seem more important. Even with a short time to work this should be a fun little tag match though. Shield retains.

Chris Jericho vs. Ryback:
Chris Jericho is my favorite wrestler ever so I am always excited for any match he is in. I feel like this feud has been sort of random and hasn’t really been promoted, so I don’t really have much to say about it. Ryback badly needs to win this match, considering he hasn’t won a match on PPV since Money in the Bank a year ago. Jericho will make him look good and hopefully this is a nice jumping off point to get Ryback on track. Ryback wins.

Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel vs. The Miz:
I think I like Axel. But there’s a slight problem there. You can tell he is working very hard and all, but I don’t know if I like him because he’s good or if it is just because Paul Heyman manages him, and he’s the son of Mr. Perfect, quite possibly the most awesome wrestler ever. It definitely seems like WWE really likes Curtis Axel though, so I think we know where this match is going. I don’t much care for Miz but this will be a solid match. Axel retains, hopefully by way of Perfect-plex.

Divas Champion AJ Lee vs. Kaitlyn:
This has actually been a pretty good feud, which kind of blows my mind since WWE never puts any kind of effort into things involving the Divas. I remember Lita and Trish Stratus main evented Raw once, and I remember Trish’s feud with Mickie James. That is about all that has ever stood out in my years watching wrestling when it comes to Divas, but I missed like ‘08-‘10 so maybe there was something there. It is kind of nice to see the women get things to do. AJ and Kaitlyn have made the Divas title interesting and this will actually be a Divas title match that is worth something. I don’t think tonight is the end of their feud and I think they will pull this out until SummerSlam. AJ retains.

World Heavyweight Championship Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow vs. Antonio Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger vs. Wade Barrett vs. Fandango vs. Dean Ambrose:
Money in the Bank matches are always fun, so this should be good. Of course the big question becomes who will climb the ladder and get that briefcase for a World title shot any time in the next year? It seems like Rhodes and Sandow are about to enter into a feud with Cesaro and Swagger, so I think that whole group will cost each other somehow. And as much as I love Cesaro and hope he wins, they kind of killed his stock for a few months so I don’t have faith they’ll pull the trigger on him. Fandango has proven to be far more entertaining than I ever expected when those first promos were airing, but despite the attention the WWE has gotten from him I don’t think he’s a future World Champion, and if he is then it isn’t within the next year.

That leaves Wade Barrett and Dean Ambrose. Ambrose is United States Champion and seems like the biggest blossoming star in the Shield. Barrett has been a mid-carder forever, Intercontinental Champion a few times, and has been on that bubble of breaking through to the main event for a while. I don’t think Ambrose really needs the win since he is absolutely badass on the mic and the Shield has done such a great job getting over thus far that he can enter into the main event naturally down the road. Barrett has been around longer and they have kind of had nothing to do with him lately so I think a win here would do a lot for him. Barrett wins.

WWE Championship Money in the Bank “All Stars” Ladder Match: Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Randy Orton vs. Somebody Replacing Kane (Big Show?) vs. Rob Van Dam:
With the show happening in Philadelphia, home of the legendary ECW, RVD is going to get a huge reaction when returns. I know I’ll be pretty pumped myself. I don’t pay attention to TNA so I have no idea if RVD is in any kind of shape or can even still go, but for the moment I am pumped for his return. I don’t think he’s going to win this match at all since this is like Jericho returning at the Royal Rumble, but it is still good to see him back. As for who will win, I’m a little confused now. Going into the match it seemed pretty clear Daniel Bryan would win. The dude is over like rover and has the best match every night. He is primed for a huge push.

But he stood tall to end Raw this past Monday, and whenever that happens it usually means that person will lose at the PPV. But whoever replaces Kane isn’t going to win, Christian isn’t getting a WWE title push all of a sudden, Sheamus has nothing to do and I don’t think winning MITB is the plan WWE has for him, and CM Punk has his thing with Brock Lesnar. Granted the title shot is good for a year, but still you can usually see these things coming. That leaves Orton and Bryan. Why would Orton win? That’s really all I can think to say about him in this match. This whole thing has been built up for Bryan to win, and I think he’ll break the curse of standing tall on Raw before the show. Bryan wins.

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler:
It is good that they turned Del Rio heel again since his face run got pretty stale alarmingly quick. I really hope that isn’t going to be the case with Ziggler’s face run though. It is nice that they are finally letting Ziggler talk and do things other than just sell moves like a madman. It is hard for me to take Del Rio seriously pretty much ever since being a big MMA fan I just think of him fighting Mirko Cro Cop and getting his head kicked in. But Del Rio’s alright, and since this double turn is so fresh I don’t think they’re going to blow off the feud tonight. There’s still too much going on with Ziggler’s relationship with AJ for this to end now. It has SummerSlam written all over it. Del Rio retains, possibly because AJ does something to cost Ziggler.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Mark Henry:
I know this is the “cool” thing to say, but I really can’t stand John Cena. I don’t mean this in the typical “Cena’s character is so stale he needs to turn heel” way. I mean it in the sense that I’ve reached the point where I’ve seen too much Cena. Even if he turned heel, he would have to come out on Raw and give the AA to an entire truck load of puppies or something for me to really be interested. Even then he’d still be the main character in the show, and since I remember when the dude was just starting out in freaking 2002 seeing John Cena all over the main story doesn’t really interest me anymore.

Cena is a good wrestler and all, but we’ve seen this movie about 800 million times: Cena runs into an opponent who is so big and strong and intimidating, said opponent leaves Cena dead on the Raw before the PPV, Cena overcomes the odds and wins because he never gives up and never surrenders, comes out on Raw the next night as a bunch of people in the crowd boo, he says it is an “interesting crowd,” and both he and Michael Cole will say something to the effect of if you like it or not he’s the champ and you have to respect it.

Cena moves the merchandise so you can’t knock the WWE for keeping him on top for so long; this is a business. And I feel bad ripping on Cena too much since all of the Make a Wish stuff he does is really amazing, and it isn’t like he’s some shit performer either. I’ll just say simply: I don’t give a crap about what Cena does like 90% of the time and I don’t really dig seeing him in every main event still.

As for Mark Henry, I remember when he was Sexual Chocolate and I spent most of my life watching wrestling not giving a crap about him either. Was Mark Henry always pretty cool and I just never realized it, or is this something that has just started up in the last few years? Either way, I really enjoy seeing Mark Henry these days, and that is a pleasant surprise for me. His fake retirement was one of the most awesome Raw segments I have seen, and it instantly sold me on a match I didn’t think I’d ever want to see. Henry has worked his ass off to get where he is today and he really deserves a run with the WWE Championship, even if it would only last about a month until he drops it back to Cena or Daniel Bryan wins it.

But as awesome as Henry has been for a while now, we need to be real here. WWE always plays up that whole “There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and Undertaker winning at WrestleMania” thing, but it is time to add on a fourth item to that list: John Cena doesn’t lose after he gets smoked multiple times on Raw and his opponent is built up as some unbeatable monster.

Henry will probably dish out a lot of power moves and crush Cena early, Cena will fail to get him up for the AA once or twice, and after nearly succumbing to the World’s Strongest Slam Cena will dig deep and find the strength to deliver the Attitude Adjustment and win. Cena retains.

So that is the entire card. I don’t expect any title changes since I feel like they are trying to build up to an exciting SummerSlam next month, which I’m cool with as long as the matches tonight are good. Money in the Bank matches are hard to really screw up so those will be fun to watch, and the rest of the card has nothing actively terrible so I’m excited for the show. Hopefully it is good.